I have just returned from the most awesome 10 days a girl could have :) I've been up in mount tamborine with Oar and since this is a sex and wow blog, I must add that O-M-G Oar rocked my world; even once he has "gone"...he just goes again...and again ;)
But who wants to hear me gush over how fabulous it was?!
I've been trying to write something for a while on submissive tendancies, as my own sexual submission seems to contradict my otherwise controlling and domineering persona.I was conversing with Oar on the matter; as Oar and I are both befuddled by the apparent contradiction.
and so Oar said to me "I just find that many of the ideas of sex come from a disprectful basis. Like deep-throat; The idea is so terrible, crass and, well, wrong."
And I see his point: for some people deep throat is definatly a cruel and disrespectfull thing and more to the point it is intended that way. For example pornographic advertising DOES depict cruel forms of objectification; it is appealing to the fantasys; and when we watch porn it is essentially a visual aid to our fantasy; I would even go as far to suggest that we distance ourself from the "reality". We are predominatly interested in the emotional exhilliration; but we are always aware that our fantasies are not "real", in the same way as playing a FPS doesn't mean I actually want to kill someone; or that I think it is morally acceptable to do so.
That said, I imagine for some people deep-throat is just a way of giving a new sensation, and it may be done gently and kindly (Its not a purely gender specific thing either). On the other hand some people DO like the more ...rough kinds; males and females who purposefully add elements of disrespect and humiliation, who enjoy the power-play.
I think society in general condems the expression of sexuality and therefore it is seen as something where disrespect is inherent. Whereas In an equal relationship sexual expression is normal and thus it isn't an objectification to express it. For as long as I don't feel that i can be objectified, then I won't. Nobody should be treated as though they are a purely sexual object and although this is idelistic when we look at society as a whole, it isn't farfetched when you examine just one couple (or mass-ORGY!).
If the power-play has no malicious intent, then even if the acts purposefully contain emotions of disrespect and humiliation the act in that specific context carries no actual disrespect.Possibly the most important fact is that submissive-dominate power-play requires a great deal of trust, which in itself contradicts the idea of any real harm or disrespect. Thus I think that power-play is simply just "playing" with the emotions; and that this sexual-emotional play is appealing because it is an entierly new segment to sex that can be exhillirting and add depth to your sex-life.
Either way it has been a difficult thing to get my head around and in my opinion if you want to power-play with a partner (or mass-orgy >.>), then there needs to be an open line of communication to disscuss each-others concerns and beliefs.
Happy fucking ;)
~Synnergy the sex druid